Christmas Time!

We had Christmas at my parents house this year.  It was pretty amazing.  It was fun to see Isla's face when she opened some of her gifts! These are just the pics from my parents camera, I will post more from my phone when I get home :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

More than just a pretty face

Turns out there's more to this handsome man than beautiful brown locks and big brown eyes.  He came home just as I was publishing my last post, and for some reason I was crying.  I can't help it.  Maybe I'm too dramatic, but I like to think of it as being passionate ;)
He sat me down and listened and sympathized and offered really good advice and insights.  We ended up blaming my mom for most of my problems (haha) and talked about how I'm not the only one who gets discouraged.  He told me that he was sure Heavenly Father was pleased with my efforts, and that I do need to recognize my weaknesses, but take them with patience and optimism.  I was taking steps back, not forward.  Another thing we recognized was how I do a lot of things out of fear.  Fear should never be a motivating factor (using the Lord as an example again) it should be out of LOVE. 
I really felt better, and as I was doing my 14 day walk with Christ packet I answered the question about trusting the Lord and calling upon him with this:
"I feel like I trust him when things are really difficult and I don't understand why at the time, but on day to day things like I posted about yesterday...no.  I don't call upon him for the mundane because for some reason I think I should be able to figure it all out on my own...BUT, I am working on it.  I will keep a prayer constantly in my heart, and trust his guidance especially with the day to day.  I feel better about the direction I am going and I am optimistic about the future."  

P.S. My mom called and said it was probably all her fault. Ha! Turns out the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.  I assured her my faults were my own, and she is amazing!

If a had a therapist, this is what I'd say :)

So I know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, but what's the next step? And the step after that?  I can't stand a dirty house.  I will stay up cleaning, and I literally cannot relax until my list of a million things is done...and my house is clean.  Then, I get really stressed out and I crash, and I'm mean.  The only thing worse than being too hard on yourself is being too hard on others, (especially those you love) and to tell you the truth I'm guilty!  I took this picture, because I wanted to embrace the fact that I didn't clean the living room before Isla took her nap.  I sat down with a book, and tried to read but couldn't, and got up and cleaned and took the burners off the stove and scrubbed the oven too.  WHAT is wrong with me??? 

 I listened to the Christmas Devotional and after hearing Pres. Uchtdorf"s talk I promised myself I would focus on Christ and not be crazy this year.  I even got a packet of 14 days of scriptures to read about Christ with questions to ponder.  I've only done 1!!! Tim reeeeaaaaaalllly wanted to put together treats for the neighbors and family and he wanted 5 different things in them.  After fighting all night Sunday I agreed with his promise to help clean-up.  He did help, but the next day I still had to make one more batch of brownies, and go grocery shopping, to the post-office, cut and wrap all the treats and clean a disaster of a kitchen.  It completely wore me out.  Never again. 

 Do we even know this many people?

I made caramels, marshmellow nut clusters, and batch of brownies.  Tim made mint brownies by default because I burnt the crap out of my hand stirring his peanut butter fudge (which he made totally on his own except for me stirring while he sprayed the pan with butter.)
I'm sorry but next year everyone is getting only marshmellow nut clusters, or I'm just buying boxes of chocolates! Ha!

Anyway, my soul really has been heavy. I want to simplify, but I feel like I'm fighting my own self to find balance.  I guess it's a process...and yes, I'm very much aware of it so that's something, right? 

Thanksgiving Blah Blah

                                      Isla played dress-up with Grace (cousin) they were best-friends

                                                                   Rainbow Gardens

So I don't really want to re-hash Thanksgiving because it was a super hard couple weeks full of Isla and I being sick and throwing up at Tim's parents in Price while he worked 14-18hrs a day at the Huntington Power plant because something blew-up.  Then we had crazy windstorm '11 in Bountiful and played the waiting game to go home because we didn't have power.  Then we got the ok, but really our house still didn't have power, so I called my Aunt and Uncle who just live in the Avenues by the Capitol if we could stay there.  They were so kind even though Karl was leaving to Mexico and Denise was expecting company the next day! So we packed up and headed to my parents and came home Sunday when the power FINALLY came on! Our house was freezing, yet all our food in the fridge was spoiled! Yuck. Anyhoo not my most favorite memories, but visitng family was great! I feel closer to Tim's mom and my sis-in-law now, and I had a great chat with my Aunt and Uncle, and my parents got to see Isla (they were missing her).  Another great thing, is that Isla has turned a new leaf.  I guess being packed around to 70 different places in two weeks made her a bit more easy-going! Ha! She has been really good since we got home...not as needy! Anyhoo, I met my mom and 2nd cousin at Rainbow Garden the other day and had a great time then Debbie (Tim's mom) watched Isla while we went to "round two" of the Forgotten Carols.  Best. Day. Ever.  I love the mundane now too.  No more craziness for me please.