If a had a therapist, this is what I'd say :)

So I know the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, but what's the next step? And the step after that?  I can't stand a dirty house.  I will stay up cleaning, and I literally cannot relax until my list of a million things is done...and my house is clean.  Then, I get really stressed out and I crash, and I'm mean.  The only thing worse than being too hard on yourself is being too hard on others, (especially those you love) and to tell you the truth I'm guilty!  I took this picture, because I wanted to embrace the fact that I didn't clean the living room before Isla took her nap.  I sat down with a book, and tried to read but couldn't, and got up and cleaned and took the burners off the stove and scrubbed the oven too.  WHAT is wrong with me??? 

 I listened to the Christmas Devotional and after hearing Pres. Uchtdorf"s talk I promised myself I would focus on Christ and not be crazy this year.  I even got a packet of 14 days of scriptures to read about Christ with questions to ponder.  I've only done 1!!! Tim reeeeaaaaaalllly wanted to put together treats for the neighbors and family and he wanted 5 different things in them.  After fighting all night Sunday I agreed with his promise to help clean-up.  He did help, but the next day I still had to make one more batch of brownies, and go grocery shopping, to the post-office, cut and wrap all the treats and clean a disaster of a kitchen.  It completely wore me out.  Never again. 

 Do we even know this many people?

I made caramels, marshmellow nut clusters, and batch of brownies.  Tim made mint brownies by default because I burnt the crap out of my hand stirring his peanut butter fudge (which he made totally on his own except for me stirring while he sprayed the pan with butter.)
I'm sorry but next year everyone is getting only marshmellow nut clusters, or I'm just buying boxes of chocolates! Ha!

Anyway, my soul really has been heavy. I want to simplify, but I feel like I'm fighting my own self to find balance.  I guess it's a process...and yes, I'm very much aware of it so that's something, right?