Thursday, May 30, 2013

What my body can do

I have to write this post, if just for me.  I have been beyond struggling with my weight and being okay with the way I look! I know, I know I just had a baby so why am I being so hard on myself? It's funny I never thought I was ever in very good shape, but now that I'm 15lbs heavier I would give anything to be my old self again. 
I've been kind of aggresive about loosing the weight.  I started off on meal replacement shakes almost right away and exercised as much as having a newborn and 3yr old would let me.  Then my birthday came. And I ate cake, lots of cake. Then Isla's birthday came and I ate more cake. Then it turned into wanting treats after every meal and eating chocolate chips all night long.  I felt totally out of control, and worst of all I was gaining weight. Dang. So I got angry and decided no sugar for me.  I've done relatively good. I had a cookie at a wedding, some chocolate on my anniversary, and had some chocolate chips here and there.  If I can keep it to this minimum, I'm good, but if I go out of control again, I fear I might have to cut sugar out completely again.
Today I stood in front of the mirror and wondered why I couldn't just love myself for who I was? Was it media? Was it that I felt unattractive for Tim? Was I uncomfortable in my own skin? Yes, yes, yes.
I got mad again. I don't want to feel this way. I want to be healthy and happy whatever that translates to as far as my body shape goes.
I thought about my body. It was time to focus on what it can do, not on what it looks like. 
I've always had big legs, but these tree trunk legs have let me run for miles and miles.
I have soft arms, but these arms let little heads lay on them when they don't feel good, and wrap around people I love so they can feel my love for them.
My stomach is stretched and saging, but this stomach brought two sweet spirits into this world, that will change the world for the better, and me forever.
My sweaty, nail-bitten hands will change diapers, wash dishes, make meals, wipe tears, and hold the hands of those I love.
My body is mis-shapen and lumpy, but oh what this body can do. Our Father in Heaven has given us these bodies to use, and to serve. Having a perfect body in not required to enter the celestial kingdom!
So the next time I see a mommy with a less than perfect figure, I'll not judge.
Let's all just be healthy and focus on what we can do not what we look like! Today I feel thankful and empowered, but I know this feeling won't last so I wrote it down so I can read it often.


Katie Jane said...

You are cool. I love your guts, seriously. Thank you for sharing thoughts that are in your heart and sensitive. I loved it.

Kari & David said...

This is a great post Stacey! It is so hard to watch others gain 20 pounds during pregnancy and drop it right away or occasionally we compare ourselves to celebrities who let's face it haven't had children or if they have they have planned meals and fitness plans that get them back into shape. You had me tearing up when I read this because it really is so easy to think about what our bodies are not but rarely ever do we think about what they are and what they can DO. Thanks for making my day just a little better! And hang in there your baby is still tiny just think about how busy he will be in just a short while ;)

mel said...

Amen to it all. I know I have felt this same way and am about to have to do it all over again after another baby (which will probably be even harder) but my husband loves me no matter what and I have beautiful children to remind me again and again that it's okay to not be the way I once was. Actually, I don't want to be the way I once was because life is pretty awesome right now:)

Jones Family said...

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing!